The Death Relic Realm
by Lil' Fizz
Summary: Somewhere, in a mysterious place, there is a Realm full of statues of people, and if the statue breaks, that person will die. This is The Death Relic Realm. Surely then, it would be a ridiculous idea to let the Muppets inside? Well, that's what I've done! Thanks to Punching Bagg for helping me out and rated T for possible death, you'll just have to read and find out!
1. One Way to End a Show

**Hello everyone! So a couple of weeks ago I found a fanfic by a guy called Punching Bagg, about this place where there are loads of statues of people and if a statue breaks, that person dies. So I decided to have a go with it myself! I have asked Punching Bagg and s/he (couldn't tell what gender!) has agreed. Hopefully… So enjoy this story! It's a bit grim but there are loads of funny bits, I promise.**

Fozzie was telling jokes on stage, Kermit and the others were watching in the wings, Statler and Waldorf were heckling from their balcony seats as usual. All was normal. Well…as normal as it _can _be on the Muppet Show.

"Hey-hey!" Fozzie said. "Boy have I got a great bit for you lot tonight! So I went to the doctor the other day and I said-"

"Have you got a cure for bad jokes?" Waldorf interrupted.

The two haters started laughing madly at their own joke.

Fozzie looked annoyed. "Hey! Hey you two!" he called up to them. "I have the best comeback for you! You two are great big-aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!"

Suddenly, Fozzie disappeared!

He seemed to fall through the floor, and he yelled as he did so.

Kermit and the others blinked, baffled.

"What was that?" Scooter asked.

"I have no idea," Gonzo said.

Kermit suddenly snapped into action.

"We have to do something!" he announced and rushed on stage.

"OK, sorry about that folks, but please put your hands together for Rowlf the-"

But just as he had said it, Rowlf disappeared too! Then Gonzo, then Dr Teeth!

"I don't know what's going on here," Walter said. "But it's awfully stra-aaaaaaaah!"

Walter vanished as well.

Then Robin, Pepe and Rizzo.

"Everyone keeps disappearing!" Waldorf exclaimed.

"They're lucky," Statler replied. "_We're_ still here!"

Meanwhile, back in the wings, Animal was freaking out.

"EV-RY-ONE DIS-A-PEAR!" he yelled.

"Yes, we know that," Miss Piggy said crisply.

"WHERE GO? WHERE EV-RY-ONE GO?!"

Miss Piggy suddenly lost her temper.

"Shut up will you?!" she yelled. "We don't know where everyone went, that's what we're trying to find out!"

Leave him alone, will ya?" Floyd said putting a hand on Animal's collar to calm him down. "He's just confused."

"He's not the only one," Kermit said.

Then, (I can't even say suddenly anymore because they were all used to it now) Miss Piggy, Floyd, Animal, Scooter and Janice vanished. Leaving only one frog let by himself.

"Well," Kermit said to no-one in particular. "That's everyone. Though why they left me out, I don't kno-oooooooooooooooooooooooooh!"

And all the Muppets were gone.

"Well," Statler said into the silence. "That's one way to end a show!"

**OK, I'll come clean with you guys, Punching Bagg hasn't agreed to my offer yet, but I'm too impatient to wait and see if s/he is OK with it so I'm gonna go ahead with the show and if s/he gets mad then I'll have to take it off. Peace!**


	2. Creepy Dark Place

**Good morning! And if it's not morning where you are right now then have a good…whatever.**

Kermit groaned and sat up. He rubbed his head; he had hit it quite hard when he had fallen.

He looked around; the room he was in was very dark so he couldn't see much.

"Hello?" he called.

He had no idea how he had got where he was, the last thing he remembered was being on stage, and then falling, falling, falling.

"_Kermit!_"

Kermit sat up straight and strained his ears (even though he didn't have any).

"_Kermiiiiiiiiiiit!"_

"_Anyone? Is anyone there?_"

There it was again! Two this time, voices calling his name. And although it was distant, Kermit could just about make out the sound of his best friend.

"Fozzie?" he called back. "Where are you? I'm over here!"

"_Oh, Kermit!_"

In the darkness, Kermit could just about see the figure of Fozzie running towards him, Walter at his side.

The bear threw his arms around the frog, almost crushing him.

Kermit made strangled noises whilst Walter watched, amused.

"Ohmygoodness,Kermit,thankGodIfoundyou!" Fozzie said extremely quickly. **(The reason there's no spaces is because he's talking really fast but don't worry, it won't last long) **"WhenIarrivedhereinthiscreepy,darkplace,Iwassoscared,Ididn'tknowwhattodo!Ididn' .Wewentofftogethertoseeifwecouldfindyouand…"

Kermit untangled himself from the hug and put his hands on Fozzie's shoulders. He knew exactly how to deal with Fozzie when he freaked out.

"Fozzie!" he said interrupting Fozzie's burbling and giving him a little shake. "It's OK. You two have found me, now we'll find the others and it will be fine."

He looked at Walter. "I'm sorry about this, Walter."

Walter shook his head. "Nah, it's fine," he said. "I've never seen him this pleased to see you!"

"Kermit, we'll be able to…get out of here, right?" Fozzie asked uncertainly, looking around.

"Of course," Kermit replied firmly.

However, he didn't feel half as confident as he sounded.

Secretly, he was just as scared as Fozzie, but there was no way he was going to tell him.

"Well, if we came here…somehow, then there's got to be a way of getting back," Walter said. "Right, Kermit?"

"Exactly," Kermit said. "We've just got to start searching."

**Sorry it was so short, but I will see you soon. And if you're wondering about when the statues are going to come in, patience, dear reader, all in good time.**


	3. Stuck with the Idiots

**So I've decided to put the name of the group that the chapter's about at the beginning of each chapter. Last time was just group 1 but this time, I'm gonna start with group 2.**

**Group 2**

"Why do I always get stuck with the idiots?" Miss Piggy grumbled crossing her arms.

She was sat on the floor, leaned against a wall. She was joined by Floyd and Janice.

Suddenly, a mess of red fur plummeted from the sky and crashed to the ground. Animal.

"Like I said," Miss Piggy said. "Idiots."

Floyd rushed over to Animal's side and put an arm around him.

"Animal, buddy," he said. "Are you OK?"

Animal shook his head to get out of the daze he was in. "Yeah," he said. "Fall…fall fun! Again! Again!"

Miss Piggy rolled her eyes. "Oh brother," she sighed. "You're the only one that thinks so, Scruffbag."

"So," said Janice looking around. "What do we do now?"

"_Do?_" Miss Piggy said. "I'll tell you what we're going to do!" She rose to her feet. "We're not going to sit around and-"

"Stand," Floyd corrected.

Miss Piggy looked daggers at Floyd for interrupting her and carried on with her speech.

"_Stand _around and wait for the others to find us. We're all gonna get out there and get searching and we won't stop until we've found every last-"

"Found them!" Walter cried running up and pointing a finger at them. He was grinning like a kid who had just won hide-and-seek (which he kind of was)

"Oh," Miss Piggy said feeling a little as though someone had taken the wind out of her sails. "How annoyingly ironic."

**Group 3**

In the meantime, Robin, Pepe and Rizzo had formed a group. Pepe and Rizzo were looking around and arguing about where they were and what was going on whereas Robin was just sitting in a corner, not saying a word.

"So let me get this straight, okay?" Pepe said. "We have non idea where we are?"

"Beats me," Rizzo replied.

"And we don't know how we got here?"

"Nope."

Robin remained silent.

"So what _do _we know, okay?"

"Errrrrrr…"

"Anything?"

Silence.

Robin was silently going crazy with worry. Where was he? Where were the others? Crazy thoughts started coming into his mind. He would never see Uncle Kermit or the others again. He would stay stuck here for all time. No escape. In this mysterious dark place, oh boy, he'd never been very good with the dark.

Robin's head shook, trying to dislodge the terrifying thoughts but they wouldn't leave. He was just about to yell out when, he heard a noise. A voice!

"_Hello?_" it called.

"Guys!" Robin said. "Pepe, Rizzo, did you hear that?"

But Pepe and Rizzo were grown-ups; they couldn't hear the sounds that Robin's sharp senses could hear.

"Hang on," he said to Pepe and Rizzo. "Hello! Are you there?" he called out.

"_Robin, is that you?_" the voice asked, louder this time so that Pepe and Rizzo could hear.

"Yes," Robin said. "It's me, who are you?"

"_It's Scooter_," the voice called back.

"Oh Scooter!"

Robin ran off towards where the sound was coming from and when Scooter was in sight, he leapt into his arms. Robin loved Scooter; he was just like another uncle. And Robin figured that if he couldn't have Kermit, then Scooter was the next best thing.

"Scooter! Scooter! Scooter! Have you found the others? Have you found a way out of here? Can we go home?"

"Whoa, whoa, easy buddy," Scooter said. "Listen, I hate to break it to you but, you're the first one I've found and I haven't a clue where we are or how to get back."

"Oh," Robin said a little half-heartedly.

"But it's OK," Scooter said putting Robin down beside him. He started walking in the direction that Robin had come from. "Did you have anyone else with you?"

"Yeah," Robin said. "Pepe and Rizzo."

"Right."

Soon the pair found Pepe and Rizzo still arguing.

Robin sighed. "I was dead scared," he said. "But now you're here, it'll be OK, won't it?"

"You were scared?" Scooter said. "Didn't these guys talk to you? Reassure you?"

Robin shrugged. "Not really," he said. "They just kept arguing."

Scooter frowned. "They were arguing, whilst you were scared out of your wits, and they didn't even comfort you?"

"I wouldn't say 'out of my wits'" Robin lied.

Scooter wasn't listening. He picked Pepe up by the collar of his jacket in one hand, Rizzo in the other.

"Is this true?" he demanded shaking them a little. "Is it?"

Pepe squirmed uncomfortably. "Well, he didn't say anything, okay?"

"Exactly," Rizzo agreed. "How were we to know he was upset?"

Now, Scooter wasn't known for his temper, but this was too much. He couldn't stand to think of how worried Robin must have been whilst these guys didn't even flipping notice. Scooter flew off the handle

"You're telling me, you didn't even NOTICE!"

He threw Pepe and Rizzo to the ground. They whimpered but didn't kick up a fuss. Robin was a little taken aback by this outburst.

"He's a little kid; of _course _he didn't say anything, that's what little kids do! He was scared stiff and you two couldn't be bothered to do the simplest thing like say 'It's OK, Robin' or 'It'll be alright'"

"Why does it matter to you, anyway?" Rizzo asked.

"Because maybe I have a little sister," Scooter thundered. He turned to go. "Come on, Robin."

**I think I'm going to leave this as a cliff-hanger. Because it was meant to be one chapter for each group but this one was a bit long so I've chopped it up. So I'll see you soon!**


	4. Not Just Talking About his Sister

**Group 3**

"Scooter?" Robin said perched atop Scooter's shoulders. "Is it true you have a sister?"

"Mmm." Scooter nodded.

"What was her name?"

"Skeeter."

"Scooter and Skeeter," Robin tried them out.

"Yeah, we were twins," Scooter said. "A right pair we were. Skeeter was the boisterous one, sporty, cheeky and outgoing. I was quieter, a bit nerdy though. But when Skeeter was upset for any reason, do you know what she'd do?"

"What?" Robin asked.

"She used to sit in the corner. Just sit there, not saying anything, not doing anything. We were living with your uncle Kermit and the others at that time, and they thought that if such an energetic person as Skeeter was upset, then they'd shout, throw things. But she didn't. And that's why no-one ever knew when Skeeter was upset. But do you know what?"

"What?"

"That never mattered, because she always had me."

By this point, Robin had twigged that Scooter wasn't just talking about his sister.

Scooter picked up Robin's hand.

"As long as you have one person to help you out, Robin," Scooter said. "All your problems are practically gone. I'm always here for you; you know that, don't you?"

"Mmm." Robin flopped his head onto Scooter's, rubbing his chin against his silky, wool hair.

"And, Robin?"

"Yeah?" Robin lifted his head in intrigue.

"Don't think that you're weird, just because of what you do. Pepe and Rizzo might not do it, but plenty of people do."

Robin grinned. "Thanks, Scooter."

"Not a problem, now do you think that we should go back and find Pepe and Rizzo?"

They looked at each other.

"Nah!"

"I thought not," Scooter said. "So I'm guessing the person you want to find most is your uncle Kermit, right?"

"You bet!" Robin agreed.

"OK, so it's clear that because you're young, you have a sharper sense of hearing, so if you listen out for voices, I'll do the calling."

"OK!" Robin agreed.

"_Hello_?" Scooter called but it was so loud and so sudden that Robin tumbled off his perch.

Thankfully, Scooter caught him.

"Woah," he said placing him back on his shoulders. "Sorry about that, I think _you _should do the yelling."

So Robin called and listened while Scooter went where the young frog told him and soon enough, they found Kermit, Fozzie, Walter, Miss Piggy, Floyd, Animal and Janice.

There were only a few left to find.

**Hi my little Fizzies, just letting you know, because I believe there has been some confusion about it, the Death Relic Realm isn't heaven and the Muppets in my fanfic aren't dead (…yet!) so don't worry your little reader heads about it because I promise I haven't killed off all your favourite Muppets (…yet!).**


	5. Breaking the Fourth Wall

**Hi my little Fizzies, just letting you know, because I believe there has been some confusion about it, the Death Relic Realm isn't heaven and the Muppets in my fanfic aren't dead (…yet!) so don't worry your little reader heads about it because I promise I haven't killed off all your favourite Muppets (…yet!).**

**Group 4**

"OK, how about this, we get a cannon and fire ourselves through the ceiling and out of here?" Gonzo suggested.

"And where are we going to get a cannon from?" Rowlf asked.

"Oh, right. No cannon."

"Why don't we just ask the writer for one?" Dr Teeth suggested. "Then we'd be out of here like a… like a…"

"A shot!" Rowlf finished.

They all laughed.

Gonzo, Dr Teeth and Rowlf were, just like all the rest, stuck in a dark creepy place. They seemed to be in a corner but it was too dark to see where the walls led to. Gonzo kept coming up with crazy ideas to get them out of wherever they were, Rowlf kept putting him to rights and Dr Teeth kept breaking the fourth wall.

"OK, we'll grow wings and fly out of here," Gonzo said. "Or get a giant trampoline and bounce out of here."

"Gonzo, do I even need to tell you what's wrong with that idea?" Rowlf said. "You nut."

"Let me guess, no trampoline, right?"

"Exactly," Dr Teeth said. "Because, if we _had _a trampoline, then we'd be living the _high life_!"

"Good one, how about this?" Rowlf wanted a go now. "How is trampoline practice going? Oh, you know, up and down!"

"Guys, are we going to be serious now?" Gonzo asked. "I hate to imagine how worried Camilla will be without me."

"Well of course she'll be scared!" Rowlf said. "Quite frankly, she'll be chicken!"

So the unlikely trio forgot all about their mission and turned to telling jokes. Well, it's what Muppets do best!

Then, suddenly, during a particularly rubbish joke, Rowlf got interrupted by someone tapping his leg (he was too short to reach his shoulder).

"Umm, excuse me? Rowlf?" came a little voice.

Rowlf looked down. "Hey, it's Rizzo," he said.

"Oh, Rizzo!" Gonzo said. He ran over to the little rat. "Have you seen Camilla?"

"'Fraid not," Rizzo replied.

Rizzo was joined by, as you can probably guess from the previous chapter, Pepe.

"You are looking for chicken, okay?" Pepe asked.

"Yes, have you seen her?" Gonzo said.

Pepe shook his head sadly. "It's not nice, okay," he warned. "She saw this bucket of KFC, okay, and…"

"And…?"

"She kicked the bucket!"

Gonzo took this joke very literally and fainted on the spot. Luckily, Rowlf caught him.

"Haha!" Rizzo laughed. "Nice one, P!"

He hi-fived Pepe.

"Well, I try, okay?"

Rowlf sighed. "Is there a reason you're here, or do you just want to freak people out with your cruel jokes?"

"Chill out, okay?" Pepe said.

"Yeah," Rizzo said. "We need your help; you haven't seen Robin, have you?"

"Robin?" Rowlf said. "No, why?"

"Well the thing is…we were supposed to be looking after him and…he sort of…ran away."

"With Scooter," Pepe added nodding.

"Well then if you lost him, maybe Scooter's better at looking after him than you are," Dr Teeth said.

"Too right," said Gonzo coming around at last. "Hey, can you guys hear something?"

All five Muppets strained their ears (even though half of them didn't have ears). In the distance they could make out a noise.

"Is that…singing?" Rowlf said.

"Cool! I want to join in!" Gonzo declared throwing back his head and belting out some croaky off-key music.

The others clamped their hands over their ears in pain.

"Where's it coming from?" Rizzo asked.

"I don't know," Dr Teeth said. "Why don't we just ask the writer?"

"What?" Pepe asked.

"Hey writer!"

**You talking to me? (This is ****_me _****talking BTW, Lil' Fizz!)**

"Yeah, tell us what that singing is all about!"

**I can't.**

"Why not?"

**Because spoilers! Sorry mate but it'll spoil the story for the rest of the readers. Why don't you go and find out for yourself?**

"No way! What if it's dangerous?"

**Well I'm the writer; I'm going to make you!**

So Dr Teeth and co. went to find out who it was that was singing. And it was lucky that they did because they soon found out that it was Kermit and the rest singing for some unknown reason.

"Robin!" Rizzo said spotting him and running over. "We're sorry, aren't we Pepe?" He nudged Pepe and Pepe nodded.

"Do you forgive us?"

The little frog was sitting atop his uncle's shoulders. He sighed. "I guess," he said. "But, if it's alright, I'd like to stay here, with Uncle Kermit."

Meanwhile, Gonzo had spotted something red and suspicious-looking on the ground. He picked it up.

"Hey guys!" he called to the rest turning around and showing them his find. "Look what I've found! A big, red button! I wonder what it does…"

**Cliff-hanger! Again! Wow, I just love these things don't I? Well tough, it fits the mood of the story also I have a couple of things I need to explain that were obvious to me but might not have been obvious to you guys. Firstly, the whole 'kicked the bucket' thing was a joke, I haven't killed Camilla but Gonzo ****_thinks _****I have. And also, that weird fourth wall breaking bit, the bold was meant to be ****_me _****talking just so you know.**


	6. Don't Press the Red Button!

**Happy Valentine's Day and Friday 13****th****, I hope you had a better time than I did considering that my girlfriend dumped me (yes I'm lesbian pls don't judge) on the 13****th****so I spent Valentine's Day feeling sick from all the lovey-dovey stuff. So as a present to all you singles out there, this chapter (as well as all the rest) will have absolutely NOTHING to do with romance.**

**All the groups! Yay!**

"Gonzo, whatever you do, do NOT press that button," Kermit demanded.

"What?" Gonzo said.

"You heard me, _don't _press the button!"

"Why not?"

"Don't you watch cartoons, Gonzo?" Fozzie asked. "Bad things happen when you press the red button."

"But if we _don't _press the red button, then we'll never know what it does!" Gonzo said.

"I'm willing to live with that," Scooter said.

"Yeah," Walter agreed. "Sorry Gonzo but…I'd rather not know what it does than to press it and blow up or have the walls close in or something."

"Aww, come on."

"No."

"Come onnn!"

"Nope."

Gonzo stuck his chin in the air and said haughtily: "Well, I'm going to press it anyway."

"Oh no you don't!" Miss Piggy declared. She jumped up and tried to hit the button out of Gonzo's hand.

Gonzo dodged and took a couple of steps back. Miss Piggy reached for the button.

"Give it to me!" she demanded.

"No! Here, Rizzo, catch!"

Gonzo threw the button but unfortunately, Rizzo was a small person so he didn't quite catch it and it clattered to the ground, pressing itself on the floor.

There was silence, which was then broken when Miss Piggy smacked the side of Gonzo's head with the back of her hand.

"_Now_ look what you've done!" she snapped. "You idiot!"

"Ow!" Gonzo complained.

"What did it do?" Walter asked no-one in particular.

"Nothing," Kermit said. "As far as I'm concerned."

"Thank goodness for that," Robin said, still atop his uncle's shoulders.

Gonzo looked disappointed.

Suddenly, there was a sliding noise as a door opened and out flapped a black, speedy ball of craziness.

It was a…

"A BAT!"

It was anarchy. Everyone was shrieking their heads off, running around as the bat flew around in circles clearly having the time of his life, scaring the Muppets half to death.

"Every frog for himself!" Robin cried jumping off Kermit's shoulders.

Meanwhile, Rowlf was watching, looking amused.

"It's amazing how many people are afraid of bats," he said.

"Yeah," Gonzo agreed. "I can't see why anyone would be scared. I mean bats are just…OH MY GOD IT'S LOOKING AT ME!"

Gonzo ran off screaming his head off as the bat flew after him.

"Huh," Fozzie said. "I always thought Gonzo liked birds."

"A bat isn't a bird," Scooter pointed out.

"GET IT OFF! SOMEONE GET IT OFF!"

"Now, Yami."

The bat stopped immediately at the sound of it's mistress' voice. It left Gonzo alone and flew off.

Gonzo sighed with relief and shook his head.

Kermit looked to where the bat had flown to. There was a woman with a skull eye-patch and purple hair sweeping way past her hips. She wore black and red and was holding a black and red staff with a skull on top in one hand. On the other hand, she had a gold ring. Above her shoulder, a cat with bat wings was hovering in mid-air. It had black and red striped fur to match it's owner and purple wings.

"Who are you?" Kermit asked.

"My name is Nimweh Umbreai," **(pronounced nim-way um-bree-ah) **the woman said. "I see you have met Yami, my cat."

"He's got wings," Gonzo said stupidly. "Was he the thing that was flying around my head a minute ago?"

"He must have been," Nimweh said. "He's a shape-shifter, you see, so he must have used his bat form."

"Shape-shifter?" Kermit repeated.

"Indeed."

Nimweh held out her hand and Yami jumped onto it.

"Show them your stuff, Yami."

She gave Yami a small push and Yami leapt into the air, there was a small flash of light and Yami's wings had disappeared. He dropped to the ground, an ordinary cat. His stripes had vanished too and so now he was a black cat with a red stomach and paws. His muzzle was purple.

The Muppets were impressed but Yami wasn't done yet. He leapt into the air once more and another flash of light came and he was a snake, a tarantula, a rat, and then a bat.

"The bat!" Gonzo cried. "That bat from before! AAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!"

"Please try to contain yourself, Gonzo," Nimweh said.

Gonzo stopped suddenly. "How do you know my name?"

Nimweh smiled mysteriously saying nothing.

"Wait; were you the one who brought us here?" Kermit demanded.

"Where is, _here_?" Walter asked, looking around.

"Oh yes, how rude of me," Nimweh said. "I haven't even told you where you are."

She threw her arms wide. "Welcome, to The Death Relic Realm."

**Finally! And it only took, what, SIX chapters? Wow, sorry for the wait but I promise it will pick up very soon!**


	7. Getting to my Head

"Now you will tell me if I've forgotten anyone, won't you?" Nimweh checked.

"Well, Camilla for one," Gonzo said immediately. Rowlf nudged him in the ribs.

"Ah yes, I remember now."

Nimweh clicked her fingers once, twice, and a bedraggled ball of feathers, _blue _feathers plummet from the ceiling and crash into the ground. Sam the Eagle stood up looking dishevelled and bothered (even more than he usually did) with a bundle of white feathers in his arms. He plonked the feathery package into Gonzo's arms.

"I believe _this _is yours," he declared.

"Camilla!" Gonzo cried. "You haven't kicked the bucket after all!"

Camilla clucked in a questioning tone. And Gonzo explained everything that had happened in the previous chapter. (Which I won't repeat because it would be boring)

"Now, where the heck am I?" Sam asked no-one in particular, looking around in bewilderment.

"Oh, wait," Nimweh said. "I've had a brainstorm."

She clicked her fingers once, twice, three times and, you guessed it, three people plummeted from the ceiling. Two scientists and one chef. Then a blue saxophone player.

"Oh and Miss Piggy, what about your friends from 'Pigs in Space'?"

"Oh great," Miss Piggy muttered under her breath.

So soon, two pig astronauts had joined the group. Also known as, two complete idiots.

"Just when I thought I'd had a break from them," Miss Piggy complained.

"You'll never have a break from us!" Link Hogthrob declared.

"What if I chop you both in half?" Miss Piggy asked. "That would be a break."

"OK," Nimweh said. "Is that everyone?" **(Seriously, is it everyone? Comment if I've missed anyone!)**

"Now that you're all here, I'll take this opportunity to show you all the ropes."

"The ropes?" Gonzo said. "Are you going to tie us up?"

"ROPES! ROPES!" Animal yelled.

"Hurgy burgy schmurg," The Swedish Chef declared.

"Mee mee meep," Beaker added.

"Noisy bunch aren't you all?" Nimweh declared. She turned to the quietest of the bunch which just so happened to be Walter. "You couldn't tell me how to shut them up could you?"

"Oh, I find this tends to work," Walter said. Suddenly, he let out such a piercing whistle that everyone stopped talking and clapped their hands over their ears.

"Thank you. Now for all of you who weren't here earlier, my name is Nimweh Umbreai and this is my pet shape-shifter Yami. I am the Lord of the Death Relic Realm which is where you all are now-"

Nimweh was interrupted by Fozzie.

"Lord?" he repeated. "But…you're a woman."

Nimweh narrowed her one green eye. "Keenly observed Mr Bear," she said.

"I think what Fozzie's trying to say," Kermit said. "Is that, you can't be a Lord if you're a woman, surely you should be a Lady?"

Nimweh made a sound of disgust. "_Lady _is such a limp title for someone of my standards," she said. "Now are you going to listen or should I just disappear and leave you on your own?"

"You can do that?" Walter asked.

Nimweh sighed and clapped her hands. She and Yami vanished into thin air.

"_Now _look what you've done!" Rowlf snapped.

Miss Piggy aimed for another smack similar to the one she'd given Gonzo but Walter dodged.

Nimweh re-appeared. "You were asking for that one, but I'm not that cruel," she said.

She clapped her hands again but this time, the lights came on. Everyone groaned and covered their eyes. After they had recovered, they looked around and saw loads of statues, mostly made of china but some made of glass, plaster, plastic and indescribable, breakable-looking materials.

Walter found one, and picked it up. "Hey look!" he called to the others. "It's _you_, Kermit!"

"Me?"

The glass statue did resemble surprising likeness to the frog. Kermit studied it carefully, he was impressed.

"And guess who _I've _found!" Fozzie cried holding up a statue of himself.

"Are they…us?" Scooter asked.

"Indeed," Nimweh said. "Every one of you is here, as a relic. It's all very organised you see. Here is the main Muppets, over there are villains and on the other side are extras."

"So, everyone's here?" Gonzo asked.

"Everyone you've ever met."

Suddenly, something clicked in Robin's mind. "Relic…like in the name! The Death _Relic _Realm!" he cried triumphantly. "But what I don't understand is the _Death _part, what's that all about?"

"Ah, that bit isn't so nice," Nimweh said. "You see, if you break one of these statues, then the person that it is of, will die."

There was silence.

Suddenly, Miss Piggy went: "Pffffft!"

"What rubbish!" she cried. She charged over to the Villains section, picked up a plaster statue that looked like Constantine, the evil frog and threw it to the ground. It smashed into pieces.

**Hey, I've had a mad idea to update this and make a scene-cut to Constantine and Dominic.**

Things weren't going swimmingly as far as Constantine and Dominic was concerned. They were trying to break into the museum by lowering Constantine in through the hole in the ceiling with a rope.

But the rope was swinging around like mad. Constantine would have turned green if he wasn't already. He reached up and grabbed to rope in the hope that it would still its swaying. But there was a problem. The rope was thinning in his hands, this wasn't good!

"Number Two! Number Two!" Constantine called. "Dominic!"

Dominic nearly dropped the rope in surprise. He never called him by his proper name!

"What's up?" he called back down the hole.

"Something's wrong! The rope! It-"

But before he could finish his sentence, there was a snap, a scream, and a thump.

"Constantine?" The rope came away in Dominic's hands. "Buddy?"

He chucked the rope away and peered down the hole.

"Constantine!"

Inside was dark, but there was no mistaking the green heap on the floor below the hole.

**And back to the Death Relic Realm,**

Nimweh was grinning. "Temper, temper, Miss Piggy," she said. "Here's something you might want to see."

A television set appeared out of no-where and 'Muppet News' flashed onto the screen.

"Muppet Newsflash!" the Muppet Newsman cried. "Constantine, the world's most dangerous frog was found dead at 2:00 this afternoon. It appears he was trying to break into the museum when his suspending rope snapped and he fell to the ground, breaking his neck."

Miss Piggy staggered backwards a couple of steps. "What have I done?" she whispered.

Link pointed a shaking finger at Miss Piggy. "Miss Piggy's a murderer!"

Kermit looked daggers at him. "Piggy is _not _a murderer!" he snapped.

"Am I?" Miss Piggy asked. Her blue eyes filled with tears.

Kermit had only seen Miss Piggy cry a couple of times and he couldn't bear it when she did. He put his arm around her. "Of course you're not," he said. "You didn't _mean _any harm."

"But…but the statue…I smashed it. I didn't mean to…I mean…I was just trying to prove a point…and…"

Fozzie took a step backwards, not wanting to get involved. Then another, then one too many. His back nudged a pedestal with a statue on it and the china relic fell and smashed on the ground.

"Fozzie, no!" Kermit cried.

"Oh, what have I done, what have I done, what have I done?!"

"Whose statue is it?"

Walter went to inspect the remains but before he could, Scooter gave a cry.

"Chief! Help!"

Scooter started fading slowly into non-existence.

"Do I need to tell you whose statue that was?" Nimweh said.

"Scooter!" Kermit cried.

Scooter vanished. Nimweh grinned evilly. Fozzie started crying.

"It's my fault, it's my fault, it's all my fault!" he whimpered.

Kermit looked at Nimweh, and suddenly he saw red.

He marched up to her and said: "How could you? How could you do any of this? I ought to find your statue and smash it to tiny pieces."

Nimweh just laughed. "You really think I would be foolish enough to make a relic of myself?" She looked at Fozzie, then at Miss Piggy. "Oh, alright, just this once, I'll bring him back. But I'm not doing it again so you'd better be more careful next time."

"Oh, thank you!" Fozzie exclaimed.

Scooter re-appeared and Kermit went to calm Fozzie down.

"It's alright, Fozzie," he said. "That was a bit foolish but Scooter's fine and I forgive you."

Fozzie wiped his nose with the back of his hand. "I think this Death Relic place is getting to my head," he said.

"Yeah, you're not the only one," Kermit sighed.


	8. We'll See About That!

**Wow, I haven't written on here in AGES! Blame writer's block, guys, not me.**

"I have a question," Gonzo asked. "Is it just _Muppets_ here?"

"Certainly not," Nimweh replied. "There are many human statues as well as various Moopets."

"Gee, I wonder if Gary's here." Walter said.

He went to go and search the 'extras' section and after a while of hunting, gave a surprised laugh.

"He _is _here! And Mary! Oh, it looks just like him!"

"Careful now," Kermit warned. "Don't drop him."

"Oh, I wouldn't dream of it," Walter declared carefully placing the statue back on the stand. "It's just weird, whenever drawing him or something; no-one could ever get his nose right or something. This is perfect!"

"Too perfect," Scooter commented. "It's kinda creepy."

"It's not the only thing here that's creepy!" Robin said. "Everything's like a nightmare, I want to go home!"

"Yeah, me too!" Fozzie agreed. "How do we get back, Kermit?"

Everyone started yelling at once, there was a tremendous noise. Kermit was mostly interrogated as to what would happen next, which was a huge burden on the frog's shoulders, considering the fact that he had no better idea than any of the rest.

"Alright, I don't know!" Kermit yelled silencing everyone. "I didn't want to tell you all earlier because I didn't want to scare you. But secretly, I have no idea where we are or how we're going to get back to the Muppet Theatre because I'm as scared and clueless as you all are!"

He paused after this outburst, there was still silence.

He looked down at the floor. "I'm sorry I've let you down."

"So…we're stuck here forever?" Robin suddenly burst into tears.

"Oh, Robin!" Kermit took Robin off his shoulders and hugged him. "I'm sorry; I didn't mean to scare you."

"But its true isn't it? We _are_ stuck here forever!"

Kermit had no reply to that. Of course it was true, but how could he tell such a young frog?

Instead he turned to Nimweh. "Do you see what you've done?" he said to her. "You've reduced a young frog to tears. Don't you have a heart?"

"I might not," Nimweh said. "Why do you want to know?"

"What? You _know_ that's not what I meant? Can't you show some mercy? Weaken a little?"

"I never weaken!" Nimweh scoffed.

"Why not?" Kermit exploded suddenly losing his temper. "Where do you expect to get in life if you keep doing things like this? You keep hurting people, punishing people when we've done absolutely nothing wrong! I don't understand it!"

"Maybe it's time to tell you my secret," Nimweh said. "I'm not actually a human. Does that explain it?"

Kermit looked daggers at her. "No it doesn't! I'm not a human either, I'm just a frog. One of those horrible slimy things that hop across ponds that most people wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole! But that doesn't change the fact that I care about my friends and I care about people. I'm not a black-hearted murderer like you!"

"I am _not_ a murderer!" Nimweh objected.

"Don't give me that! You almost killed one of my friends and resolved _three_ of them to tears."

"I wasn't the one who knocked the statue off the podium," Nimweh said slyly.

"Don't you _dare_ try to fob this one off on Fozzie! He never would have knocked the statue over if _you _hadn't brought him here in the first place! Now I'm leaving, and if anyone else wants to come, they're welcome to as long as they're not _you_!"

"You're just going to leave?"

"Watch me!"

Kermit turned around, picked up Robin (who was still crying) and wandered off in the other direction.

"You won't make it very far without me!"

"We'll see about that!"

**SHOUTING! Damn, after all this shouting, I'd be surprised if Kermit didn't have a very bad throat. (Insert bad frog-in-throat joke)**


	9. We've Got A Problem On Our Hands

**Hey, sorry I've been away so long; I was mucking about at a friend's sleepover! The reason this says group 1, I won't spoil, but I'll just say it's FORESHADOWING!**

**Group 1**

Of course the other Muppets followed Kermit; he was their leader and their hero. They weren't going to leave him on his own!

Kermit started off striding confidently, but after a few minutes, after he'd calmed down, he slowed down considerably.

"Kermie?" Miss Piggy said approaching him. "I just wanted to say, that I thought you were very brave back there, telling Ms Umbreai what's what."

"Thanks, Piggy," Kermit replied. "I can't quite believe I've done it!"

He looked around. The lights had gone off again, so apart from the relics (which appeared to be following them) there didn't seem to be anything around

"What _have_ I done? I've let you down, I'm sorry."

"Don't be nuts, Kermit," Fozzie said. "You haven't let us down! I can't blame you for losing your temper."

"She upset Robin," Scooter said. "I'm not having that."

Robin was still perched on Kermit's shoulders, but he was now fast asleep.

Kermit looked up at his little nephew and smiled. "Yeah, I can't usually stick up for myself, but I _can_ stick up for my friends and Robin is…well…the closest thing I've ever had to a son."

Everybody awwed.

Until Gonzo front-flipped over (a trick he learned from Kermit) and said: "Uhh, Kermit? I think we've kind of got a problem on our hands…and his name's Animal."

Animal was raging around, loudly. His shoulder collided with the podium on which Robin's statue sat. The statue tipped and fell but Kermit made a dive for it and clasped the relic in his hands.

"Got it!" he cried.

The real Robin tumbled off his uncle's shoulders but he fell to the ground reasonably unhurt. (However having a cruel wake-up call)

"Floyd! Can't you keep a hold of him?!" Kermit shouted.

"Sorry, man," Floyd said. "He's out of control!"

"We can see that!" Walter snapped back diving for another relic.

Soon, all the Muppets were leaping forward to literally pick up the pieces that Animal was knocking over.

But then, the worst happened.

Walter's statue tipped and fell, but there was no-one there to catch it.

"Walter!" Kermit cried.

"Huh?"

Walter whipped round just in time to see his statue crash to the ground.

The right arm snapped straight off.

"No!"

This was the last word Walter said before he vanished without a trace.

Kermit had tears in his eyes. He'd only known Walter a short time, but he was one of the family now.

Well…he _was_.

Nimweh wasn't here to bring anyone back now.

But suddenly, Walter reappeared!

Kermit blinked, not believing what had happened right in front of his eyes.

"Walter?" Kermit whispered, approaching him gingerly.

But there was no denying that Walter was definitely lying on the ground in front of them.

Walter groaned and sat up, rubbing his face with his left hand.

"Where am I?" he murmured.

He looked around, then down at himself.

Walter let out a blood-curdling scream.

His right arm had been completely blown away and it was very bloody.

Walter fainted dead away.

"I think it's obvious what happened," Dr Bunsen declared.

He was one of the many peering anxiously at the unconscious Walter lying on the ground.

"The whole statue didn't break completely, only the arm snapped off, so Walter here has only lost an arm."

"Makes perfect sense," Dr Strangepork agreed nodding.

As Walter awoke for the second time, before he'd even opened his eyes, he whispered something.

"Gary? Gary!"

"No," Kermit said. "Gary's not here. It's just…us."

"Kermit?" Walter opened his eyes properly. "What happened?"

"I think you fainted," Scooter said.

"We thought you dead!" Gonzo announced a little too cheerfully.

"I guess it was kind of a shock," Scooter said. "When you found out about…you know what."

Walter remembered about his severed arm. He gasped but didn't faint again.

"There's a lot of blood," he said uncertainly.

He peered around at the others, his face very pale and grave.

"Uncle Kermit," Robin said. "Is Walter going to die?"

It was as if he'd just spoken everyone's mind. Walter felt his vision blur with tears.

Kermit himself was trembling; he put his arm around Robin.

"I hope not," he said.

Walter's eyes widened.

"What am I going to do?" he whimpered.

No-one had an answer to that.

**Woah, eerie.**


	10. Start It Over Again

**As interesting as the Muppets are, I know that many of you are interested to know what Nimweh is doing. So, I've written this chapter, enjoy!**

**Group 2**

Meanwhile, Nimweh Umbreai wasn't having such an exciting time (not that the near-death of Walter was much fun). She stood alone in a dark room with no relics and nothing but her pet cat Yami to keep her company.

She sighed. "Well, Yami," she said to her trusted sidekick cat flying above her shoulder as usual. "They're gone. I wonder where they went."

"Me-ow!" Yami declared in a disapproving tone.

"Yes, you're right; we don't care what happened to them. Out there, without my help, they're as good as dead."

She looked around at the emptiness. "It _is_ pretty boring without them, though. What am I going to do?"

Yami landed on Nimweh's shoulder and rubbed his face against her hand. There was a fizz and a crackle as this was the hand that held most of Nimweh's magic. Yami gave a shriek as he saw purple sparks fly up and he transformed into a bat and flew away.

"Scaredy-cat," Nimweh called. "No, no, you'd be a scaredy-_bat_! Come back here, you."

Yami transformed into a snake and hissed at her ferociously, but Nimweh picked him up without hesitation.

"Silly snakey, you don't scare me!" She flopped him over her shoulder and he slithered into a pretzel shape. "But you have given me a brilliant idea."

She clicked her fingers once, twice, three times.

Yami transformed back into his normal self and mewed at her questioningly.

"Well it's obvious that the others aren't going to come back, so we'll bring _more_ here and start it over again!"

Both Nimweh and Yami looked up to the ceiling and as they'd anticipated, an inexplicable ball of purple and red fell. Clifford thumped to the ground.

"Ooh," Nimweh said approaching him. "Is he unconscious?" She looked back at Yami, then down at her hands. "Damn, I've got to be more careful."

She rubbed her finger and thumb together creating purple sparks, and gently brushed it against Clifford's face. There was a flash, and a zap, Clifford immediately awoke, yelling his head off.

Nimweh sniffed the air appreciatively. "Smells like a bonfire," she said to her cat.

"Meow?" Yami asked.

"That means I've done it right," she explained.

Clifford sat up. "Where am I?" he asked. "Who are you? What have you done? Why am I here?"

"So many questions!" Nimweh tittered. "Curiosity killed the cat."

"Meow!" Yami declared angrily.

"Sorry Yami," Nimweh said. She turned to Clifford. "Now patience Mr Clifford, whist I summon your friends, then all will be explained."

She decided to make some pillows appear this time, so that it wasn't such a hard landing.

Soon, Andy and Randy, Annie Sue, Beauregard, Crazy Harry, Foo-Foo, Statler and Waldorf and Lew Zealand fell safely onto the pillows

"There, that's much better," Nimweh declared.

Until George the Janitor missed the pillows completely and landed on his face.

"Ouch."

Nimweh shrugged. "Close enough," she said. "Now, for introductions."

But of course, Nimweh was interrupted. Yami had chosen a very bad time to transform into a cat, and Foo-Foo (Miss Piggy's dog) leapt at him, barking her head off.

"What a racket," Clifford declared putting his hands over his ears.

"That's why I hate dogs," George announced miserably.

"But George," Annie Sue said. "You hate _all_ animals."

"Does that include pigs?" Andy and Randy asked in unison.

"Trust me; you don't want to know the answer to that."

Meanwhile, Foo-Foo was still after Yami. He had stupidly transformed into a rat, but that made Foo-Foo want to eat him even more. Yami tried a cat, a bat, a tarantula, but none of them put Foo-Foo off in the slightest.

"A snake, you stupid cat, a _snake_!" Nimweh snapped.

Yami took his mistress' advice and transformed into a snake, hissing ferociously. Foo-Foo was immediately terrified, and back away in retreat. Yami transformed back into his normal state, and flapped over to Nimweh's shoulder. She scratched him on the head and he purred.

"Good boy," Nimweh murmured. "Now that that's over with, my name is Nimweh Umbreai, Lord of the Death Relic Realm which is where you are now. This is my cat, Yami; he won't do you any harm so long as you don't disturb him."

She glared at Foo-Foo, who was now sitting in Annie Sue's arms. "It's not her fault!" Annie Sue declared.

Nimweh raised her eyebrows but didn't object. "I've brought you here because I had another group of Muppets here, but they got mad at me and ran away. I soon grew bored so that's when I brought _you_ all here. Any questions?"

Lew Zealand looked as if he was about to say something, but Nimweh interrupted him.

"No questions!" she snapped. "I've just remembered something. This place is full of relics of you lot, the other Muppets, and anyone you've ever met. However, if you smash one of these statues, that person dies so be careful! See if you're less clumsy than the last group."

"How many did the other group knock over?" Clifford asked.

"I thought I said no questions! Two, last time I counted. Very clumsy of them too."

There was silence.

"Pffffft! What a load of baloney!" George declared. "I think you're mad."

Nimweh said nothing.

The others looked hesitant.

"Don't tell me you actually believe her? You're crazy." George turned to Nimweh. "Alright, I'll believe you _if_ you can prove it."

Nimweh clicked her fingers and a small statue on a podium appeared next to her. She grinned evilly at George.

"Challenge accepted."

Suddenly, she gave the statue such a hard shove that it fell to the ground and smashed into hundreds of pieces.

Everyone looked taken aback. Beauregard gave a shriek.

"I'm disappearing! I'm vanishing!"

"You'll do more than that," Nimweh declared ominously, but seeming bored as she checked her nails.

Once, Beauregard had disappeared completely, Andy and Randy broke the inevitable silence that followed.

"Wow, that was so cool!" Andy cried. "He, like, faded, it looks awesome!"

"It looks fun!" Randy agreed.

They ran up to Nimweh. "Can you do it to us?" they asked in unison.

"I might if I get tempted," Nimweh said.

"Oh yeah?" Clifford challenged. "And what do you think their aunt is going to say about that?"

"From what I've seen, she'd be pretty pleased," Nimweh declared. "But I think I've done enough. It's your turn now. I've got to go now, business to attend to. I'll come back to check on you a couple of times to see that you haven't killed everyone. But for now, I bid you Adieu."

And as Nimweh faded into non-existence, the Muppets heard a familiar person approach.

"_Did somebody say, 'Kill everyone_'?"

Crazy Harry.

**Wow, that chapter was sooooo good (not). Sorry, I'm in kind of a crummy mood, but to make things clear, yes I just killed Beauregard, come at me! It was mostly because I didn't like his character, he didn't say much and wasn't important, and I can't spell his name! I'm tired of auto-correct rubbing my misspelling in my face!**


	11. Stay Strong, Keep Believing

**Hey everyone, just saying that Walter isn't dead, he's just sleeping. And this chapter is his dream.**

**Group 1**

_Walter had never felt so alone in his life. He was standing in a mysterious room (again) but there was no-one around to keep him company now. No Kermit. No Fozzie. No-one._

_Still, he felt like someone was watching him. And if he strained his ears ju-u-ust enough, he could just about hear someone calling his name._

_"Walter? Walter!"_

_No, he definitely wasn't imagining it, someone _was_ calling his name._

_"Waaaaalter!"_

_The voice sounded scared, almost desperate. And call him crazy, but Walter thought he might be able to recognise whose voice it was._

_"Gary?" he called._

_He ran as fast as he could, towards where the voice was coming from and there was Gary. The two brothers hugged so tightly, it was as if they couldn't bear to let go._

_"How did you know where I was?" Walter asked._

_"I am your wise, older brother, I know all," Gary declared in a mock-dramatic tone._

_"Yeah, right," Walter laughed giving him a gentle shove. "Seriously though, what are you doing here?"_

_"I'm carrying a message," Gary said. "Kermit told me what's been going on, with the statues and all that…"_

_He was looking at Walter's missing arm. Walter looked too._

_"Yeah," Walter felt his grin begin to fade. "Everyone thinks I'm gonna die."_

_He clutched the sleeve of Gary's shirt. _

_"I'm not, am I?"_

_"No, of course not," Gary said. "That's what this message is about."_

_He pulled Walter in close and stroked his hair. _

_"If you give up hope," he said. "You're pretty much dead."_

_He felt Walter tense._

_"But, as long as you stay strong, keep believing, you'll be just fine."_

_"Are you sure?" Walter asked._

_"Of course I'm sure," Gary assured. "But _please_ Walter, the Muppets need you, and…well…I need you. You're my little brother."_

_Walter knew his brother was right. He couldn't die, the Muppets needed him! And so did Gary, he couldn't leave him alone, not after he already did leave him to join the Muppets,_

_So his arm had been blown straight off. So what? He'd been in worse situations. _**(He has?) **_Walter had proved time and time again how mentally strong he was. He certainly wasn't the coward most disillusioned people thought he was._

_"Well…I'll try," he said._

_"Thank you," Gary said. "You're my hero, you know that, right?"_

_Walter nodded. "I know."_

_His eyes blurred with tears._

_But the two brothers were interrupted, by a voice coming from the ceiling._

_"_Walter? _Please_, you _can't_ have died yet. We need you!_"_

_"Oh, it's Kermit," Walter said recognising the voice immediately. "I'd better go."_

_He looked back at Gary. "Will I ever see you again? I mean, I'm stuck in the Death Relic Realm and none of us know how to get out."_

_"You'll be fine, Walter," Gary said. "I know you'll think of something smart, find your way out of there, and you'll be back to the theatre in no time."_

_"I know," Walter said. "But just in case we _don't_ make it out of there, remember that I love you, Gary. And I wanted to say thanks…for everything."_

_"You too, little brother."_

_Walter began to run off in the other direction, but as he did so, he turned and shouted: "Goodbye!"_

As soon as Walter opened his eyes, there was a huge commotion.

"He's alive! He's waking up, oh, thank goodness!"

This voice came from Kermit, and as soon as Walter was properly awake, Kermit threw his arms around him in delighted relief.

"I thought I'd lost you," Kermit said. "I was so scared; you're like a brother to me, Walter."

"I know," Walter said. "But, I saw my _real_ brother."

"What do you mean?"

"In my dream, I saw Gary, and he told me that I needed to stay strong, to survive. Don't worry, I'm not going anywhere, he reminded me that you guys need me. So I'm going to do everything I can to make it through this."

**Cutie! So there, you all knew I didn't have the heart to kill Walter, on my character chart he's the optimist and I couldn't kill him off, could I? BTW, just letting you know, the dream is in italics because it looked cool. You know what a sucker for cool-looking italics I am!**


	12. Out of Control

**Good evening all, I'm feeling kind of violent for no reason so spoilers, I'm going to go on a killing spree.**

**Group 2**

Nimweh did have some business to attend to, but the business in question involved her and Yami spying on all of the Muppets!

The ritual was a strange one. First, Nimweh would thrust her staff into the ground (of a certain field of course), which would cause a huge stone slate to appear.

Then, Yami would lick the skull on top of the staff and it would burst into flames. (Kitty power!)

And finally, Nimweh would throw the staff at the slate, and as the fire caused scorch marks, the marks would create a picture of what was going on in the Death Relic Realm.

You've no idea how expensive it was to get a new staff every time.

Nimweh looked at how the Muppets were fairing in the Death Relic Realm and grinned with evil delight.

"So Walter nearly kicked the bucket, did he? Too bad I missed that. Ah well, let's see here, group 2 haven't seem to have done much. Let's watch, Yami."

"Meow," Yami agreed.

.

In group 2, Clifford was desperately trying to think of an escape plan. The only trouble was, that no-one else was very bothered.

He had a piece of chalk and was trying to map out where they were on the floor.

"…so if this is the place, what'd she say it was called again?"

"The Death Relic Realm," Annie Sue said.

"Right, Death Relic Realm, gotcha. So if we're here…and there are the statues…"

George sighed. "Is there any point to this?" he asked.

"Trust me," Statler said. "We're lucky to get out of watching the show!"

The two old mean laughed at their terrible joke.

"I'm so booooored!" Lew Zealand declared throwing one of his boomerang fish.

"Bored, eh?" Nimweh asked. **(The Muppets can't hear her BTW) **"Oh you won't be for long. And that fish gives me an idea…"

The fish was supposed to come straight back to Lew's hand when he threw it, however, it swerved off track and smashed into not one but two statues.

"Oops."

Those statues belonged to Annie Sue and George, and soon they disappeared.

"Well there goes logic," Clifford said into the silence. He turned to Lew Zealand. "What were you doing, man? Can't you control that thing?

"I'm sorry, it went out of control."

"You're telling me. Now guys, we've lost Beau, Annie Sue and George, and we don't want to lose anyone else, so be careful, right?"

"Right," everyone agreed

"No madness, no boomerang fish and no explosions."

"Did somebody say explosions?" Crazy Harry croaked.

"Oh no."

One explosion and three deaths later, all that were left were Clifford, Statler, Waldorf, Lew Zealand and Crazy Harry.

"Well Statler," Waldorf said. "Do you know what I think of that?"

"What?"

But before Waldorf could answer (or make another God-awful pun), he suddenly clutched his chest and collapsed to the ground.

"Well it looks like that joke was to die for," Statler declared, before he did the same.

Everyone stared at the two men.

"Well that was original," Clifford declared.

Nimweh was also a little taken aback.

"I did not expect that," she said and Yami meowed in agreement.

Lew Zealand picked up Statler and Waldorf's statues, one in each hand.

"So now that these guys have popped their clogs," he said. **(That's Northern-English slang for died) **"What happens to these?"

But before anyone could answer, the statues suddenly exploded in his hands!

Lew gave a shriek but Clifford just shrugged.

"If they're already gone, there's no use for those statues anymore," he said.

**LOL, I spent about three days trying to think up some way to continue this chapter until I realised I could just end it here. The bloodbath continues in the chapter after next. xx**


	13. I Know How We Can Escape!

**Group 1**

Walter paced up and down, thinking so hard, he thought his brain was going to burst.

"There's _got_ to be a way out of here," he mumbled. "But how?"

It was the middle of the night, and most of the Muppets were fast asleep. Walter, Gonzo, Camilla and Rowlf were the only ones still awake.

"Walter," Rowlf said. "You've been at this for _five hours_. Can't you just go to sleep already?"

"A true Muppet never gives up on a job," Walter declared. "Or lets his friends down."

He stopped short as he realised what he'd said.

They all looked at Kermit (fast asleep next to Robin) and sighed.

None of them were willing to admit that Kermit had let them down _exactly_, but he would often panic in situations such as this, and it was clear that was what he had done now.

So it was up to the underdogs.

"A _proper _Muppet knows when he's being a control freak and _goes to sleep_!" Rowlf said.

"Actually, I think I'm with Walter on this one," Gonzo said. "We could have the greatest idea in the world, but it'd be wasted because we'd be asleep."

Rowlf stared at him, but before he could explain how stupid that was, he was interrupted by Camilla.

She clucked irritably, making it clear that she was on Rowlf's side and was absolutely exhausted. Then, she curled up into a ball and went to sleep, on Gonzo.

Rowlf said nothing. Walter went back to pacing.

Gonzo made a spluttering noise. "Camilla, will you get your wing out of my face?"

All of a sudden, he yelled: "Hey, wait! I've got it!"

Walter and Rowlf stood stock-still and stared at him.

"Camilla, get up! Everyone, get up! I know how we can escape!"

Slowly, sleepily, everyone awoke and rubbed their eyes.

"What's going on, man?" Floyd complained.

"Gonzo thinks he can get us out of here!" Walter said excitedly.

"Can you really, Gonzo?" Kermit asked.

"Well, it's just an idea, but what we have to do is…will someone please wake Fozzie? He's snoring his head off!"

It was true. As a bear, Fozzie slept very deeply, almost at hibernating point. But not for long, especially with any mischievous king prawns lurking about!

Pepe obediently scurried over to him and prodded him hard on the nose.

"Ouch!" Fozzie complained waking up and rubbing his nose.

"Oi fur face," Pepe said. "Forget bear, you snore like a pig, okay!"

Miss Piggy glared at him.

"Watch it!" she warned. "Or you'll end up in a prawn cocktail."

"Guys please," Gonzo begged.

Robin bounced over to Gonzo and looked at him hopefully (and adorably).

"Do you really think you can get us out of this creepy place, Gonzo?" he asked. "I'd be awful grateful!"

"Well I thought, we all fell through the ceiling, right?"

Everyone nodded.

"So that must mean that there's a hole in the ceiling."

"Gonzo-"

"So if there's a hole in the ceiling, there must be some way of getting through it and out of this creepy place."

"But, Gonzo-"

"And how do you suppose we _get_ to the ceiling?" Rizzo asked. "Fly up there?"

"Well _we_ can't, but I know someone who can!"

He picked up Camilla. She clucked questioningly.

"Camilla my beauty, you're going to be our saviour and fly up out of here, so that you can find _some_ way to rescue us."

"You're going to put all of your faith in a chicken?" Dr Teeth scoffed.

"And you wonder why I think these people are weirdos," Sam said to no-one in particular.

"Well it's worth a shot," Gonzo said.

"No it's not," Rowlf said.

"Why not?"

"Chickens can't fly."

"Yes they can, they've got wings."

"That doesn't mean they can fly, idiot," Rizzo pointed out. "What about penguins?"

And so, a huge argument broke out. As many Muppets as possible got involved.

"But chickens _must_ be able to fly, I've seen them!"

"That's a lie! And you're meant to be an expert on chickens and everything!"

"It's not a lie,_ I've_ seen them too!"

"Exactly, _thank _you!"

Eventually, when the situation had developed into chaos, someone couldn't take it anymore and yelled: "QUIET!"

Everyone became silent and turned to stare at the person who'd stopped the contradiction.

Scooter.

"I didn't think it was possible to start a whole feud over whether a chicken could fly or not," he said "They _can _fly, but only for a short amount of time. Camilla would never be able to make it all the way to the ceiling."

Robin drooped. "So…we can't get out of here?"

"Not unless we can find a bird that actually flies," Kermit said.

Immediately, everyone stared at Sam.

"What? Don't even think about it! No way," he protested.

Scooter shook his head. "That's a no-go as well. His wings would never be able to lift his weight. Sorry, everyone."

Everyone was a little down-hearted (especially Robin), apart from Miss Piggy, who was furious.

"Are you seriously telling me, that you woke us all up for _that_ disappointment?!"

Camilla clucked angrily, but no-one took much notice.

"You are _such_ a waste of time, Gonzo! Hi-yaa!"

Miss Piggy aimed a karate chop, but Walter gave Gonzo a shove and they tumbled onto the floor, avoiding the attack.

"The ironic thing," Bunsen said. "Is that falling to the floor in escape, probably hurt Gonzo more than getting the karate chop!"


	14. You Can Imagine What Happened Next

**Group 2**

You've got no idea how boring it is, sitting and waiting for someone to die. Even in the Death Relic Realm, it took an age.

Out of the original eleven, there were only three people left in group 2: Clifford, Lew Zealand and Crazy Harry. But Nimweh wanted to whittle it down to one, just to be evil for the sake of it.

But she never thought it would take this long. She'd been there for nearly six hours! And playing I-spy with a cat wasn't exactly the best of fun.

"I-spy with my little eye," Nimweh said looking around in a bored fashion. "Something beginning with R."

"Meow?" Yami asked.

"Meow doesn't start with R," Nimweh pointed out. "Come _on_, Yami. It's easy, I pick the same one every time."

"Meow," Yami said.

"Oh yeah, you're a cat," Nimweh suddenly realised. "Well I'm bored, tired and fed-up. Do you expect me to notice a trivial detail like that?"

Yami didn't even bother to meow his reply.

"Look, this is taking ages; I'll just drop something on their relics and baddabing, baddaboom!"

**#Paragraph!**

Group 2 were actually all asleep. It _was_ still the middle of the night. **(If you recall from the last chapter)**

They were awoken by a smash sound, and Clifford immediately felt a sense of dread.

"Who is it now?" he asked.

Being in the Death Relic Realm was a bit like the Hunger Games. People died quicker than anyone could keep up with, and no-one knew who was going to go next.

Clifford, in fact, woke up to find himself all alone. Lew Zealand and Crazy Harry's statues were smashed on the ground, and a – guess what – piano had fallen from the sky and crushed them both.

**More paragraphs**

Nimweh's immediate reaction to Yami's questioning glare was of course: "What? I improvised!"

**Roses are red, Violets are blue, here's another paragraph, I can't rhyme.**

"Aw, damn!" Clifford sulked.

He was about to wonder what the heck he was going to do now, but in the distance, he could hear someone complaining about something or another, and it suddenly occurred to him that he wasn't alone.

"Hey! Who's there?" he called out.

The noise, of course, came from group 1. The complaining was of course Miss Piggy, saying that she had never had a worse night's sleep in her life, and that Gonzo's midnight shenanigans didn't help one bit.

"Hey, is that Clifford?" a voice came. "Clifford? It's Kermit! Who's with you?"

"No-one," Clifford called. "It's just me."

He was off like a shot towards group 1.

**Buy one paragraph, get one free!**

Clifford and Rizzo were close friends, ever since they worked alongside each other in Muppets Tonight. So as soon as Rizzo could see the **(Is he a catfish? I've no idea)** in the distance, he ran towards him as well, (Kind of like a romance movie, only this is bromance!)

Everything was going fine until Clifford's shoulder collided with a relic on a pedestal, and you can imagine what happened next.

"Oh rats!"

"Clifford?" Rizzo called in a daze at what had happened so suddenly. "C-Clifford! Please! You can't do this! You're gonna come back, like Walter did. Aren't you?"

Once he'd run out of words, he flopped down on the ground and insisted he wasn't crying. He insisted, until the tears ran down his face.

Rizzo looked up at the other Muppets and whispered: "He's not coming back, is he?"

No-one replied, but Gonzo sat beside Rizzo and put his arm around him.

"It's alright," he said. "Let it all out."

So Rizzo howled, burying his face in Gonzo's furry chest.

Kermit, however, had had an idea.

"If Clifford was here," he said to no-one in particular. "Does that mean there are others out there too?"

"So you don't think Clifford was the only one?" Scooter said.

"I don't know," Kermit replied. "But it's worth a shot."

"I thought there were enough weirdos here as it was," Sam said grumpily.

"So were going on a Muppet hunt!" Robin said excitedly. He didn't seem at all fazed at Clifford's death.

"Race you there!"

"Wherever _there_ is," Kermit muttered.

**Wow, that took a tragic turn quickly. Dude, even I didn't expect that, and I'm the writer!**


	15. Quest for Nothing

**Seeing as group 2 is all finished off, I won't be putting 'group 1/2' at the beginning anymore.**

The left-over Muppets had no idea they were on a quest for nothing. There was no-one left in group 2, and yet they were completely unaware of their hopelessness.

It was the first time that Nimweh felt any remorse. She didn't say anything, but she acted shifty as she watched group 1 in silence.

Yami may have been a cat, but he was no fool. He knew exactly what was going on through her mind.

"I lied, Yami," Nimweh said flatly. "I lied earlier to Kermit when I said I wasn't human. Sure, I try to kid on that I'm not human, so that I have the strength to do all this evil stuff but…have I taken it too far this time?"

Yami flew onto his mistress' shoulder and transformed into a tarantula.

"I mean, they're searching for a load of dead people, that's never going to end! I've got to tell them."

Yami had turned into a rat and squeaked ferociously.

"I know, I know, but _some_how they've got to find out. But how?"

Then it hit her.

**Paaaaaraaaaagraaaaaph!**

"Hey, what's that thing?" Fozzie asked, spotting a large brown thing in the distance.

Intrigued, Rowlf ran over to it, and gave a low whistle.

"That's a waste of a perfectly good piano!" he said.

"A piano?" Miss Piggy repeated, not believing him in the slightest, until she saw for herself.

"What I don't like the look of," Walter said. "Is that."

He pointed to a pile of china and glass. On closer inspection, it was clear that it was several smashed relics.

"Can anyone work out whose they are?" Kermit asked.

"These ones look a bit like Statler and Waldorf," Scooter said, holding up two or three broken shards of china.

The Muppets hunted through the remains. They found several unimportant Muppets, and though they weren't exactly happy, there was nothing devastating.

Until, Gonzo found a plastic pig's snout.

He shrieked and dropped it as if it had burned him. Then he looked around, just to make sure none of the pigs had died while he wasn't looking.

After he was satisfied that Miss Piggy and the other pigs from Pigs in Space were still there, he searched about for the rest of the pieces. Soon, he had made an image, and it didn't look good.

"Uhh, Kermit?" Gonzo said. "I think I've found someone."

Kermit silently glanced at the relic lying on the ground.

"Andy and Randy?" he said. "Piggy's nephews? We've got to tell her."

Kermit gently placed a hand on Miss Piggy's shoulder.

"Piggy, there's something you've got to see," he said.

Miss Piggy gave a quiet gasp as she saw the two smashed relics of Andy and Randy, but she said nothing.

"Are you OK?" Kermit asked gently.

Piggy nodded. "I'm fine," she said. "I just…don't know what their mother's going to say."

However, she was much more upset when she discovered the death of her dog, Foo-Foo. Sounds dumb, I know, but if you knew how annoying Andy and Randy were, you'd understand.

In the end, no-one was happy. Eleven people had died and everyone was miserable.

"This has to stop," Kermit said. "We've been here for three days, and we can't just let Nimweh keep wreaking everything. We've got to come up with a plan. And I think I've got an idea."


	16. It Was All Over

**Hiya, I've edited this, just saying, because I thought it needed some improving.**

"You can't be serious," Miss Piggy grumbled. "I've never been so humiliated."

"Quiet! She might hear you!" Walter insisted. "I think it's an awesome plan, we just have to put it into action. And that's where we need a fabulous actress!"

Everyone in the Muppets had agreed that Kermit's plan was absolute genius. So now, it needed some work.

"Oh, alright, fine."

Miss Piggy cleared her throat. "Oh help, whatever am I to do?" Her voice was flat, and uninteresting.

"Put some more effort into it," Walter said.

"Miss Umbreai, where are you? Have mercy upon moi! Moi is upset and very sorry!"

"Brilliant, Piggy!" Kermit said. "If that doesn't work, I don't know what will."

**Para-para-para-para-paragraph!**

Well, it kind of worked. Yami didn't believe it for a second, and Nimweh had her doubts, but she headed down there regardless, and Yami obediently followed.

"What's wrong?" she asked without an ounce of sympathy in her voice. "Did I dispose of your nutty nephews and your dippy dog?"

Little did Nimweh know that using the pieces of the broken statues, Scooter and Walter were secretly making a relic of her.

"Now, boys!"

They tipped the monument over and it shattered into pieces.

As Nimweh began to fade, she demanded furiously: "How did you know?"

"I thought I'd beat you at your own game," Kermit said with a triumphant smile.

Once Nimweh had vanished for good, there was a great cheer from the Muppets. But it died down as they realised, that nothing had happened.

"We're still here," Fozzie said unnecessarily.

"Wait! What's that thing?"

Robin pointed to a small thing crawling away.

Floyd picked it up by its tail. It was a rat.

"I think I smell a rat," he said.

With a flash, the rat transformed back into Yami's original form and flew away, as fast as cattily possible.

"It's him!" Kermit yelled. "The cat! _He's_ the reason we're still here!"

Everyone looked at each other.

"GRAB HIM!"

I don't know if you've ever tried to catch a cat, but let me tell you, it's nearly impossible. They're small, speedy little things that run a mile even when you're nowhere near them and don't have any intentions.

But a flying cat was a different matter.

And an evil flying cat was an even more different matter.

Also, cats are usually nimble and agile, but Yami made it a point to knock over as many statues as he could, whilst running away from the frantic grab of the Muppets.

Dr Bunsen was the first to go (much to the relief of Beaker) then Dr Strangepork and Link Hogthrob.

After this having little effect, Yami fluttered over to the 'Extras' section and gave Mary's statue (Walter's sister-in-law) a deft kick, and much to Walter's despair, that was the last of her.

Rather enjoying his kill-a-thon, Yami then shattered the relic of Camilla.

Gonzo knew what that meant. He clutched Camilla tight, desperately.

"No, I won't let you go, Camilla!" he said fervently.

But Camilla clucked sorrowfully, and soon, Gonzo was hugging thin air.

Gonzo was about to rage his revenge on Yami, but soon Yami swooped down and sat beside one relic that made everyone halt in their tracks.

Miss Piggy's.

As Yami placed one paw on top of the statue and hissed threateningly, it was clear what he was saying.

'_Come one step closer, and I smash this statue to the ground, killing your star on the spot._'

"No-one move," Kermit ordered. He glanced at Miss Piggy nervously. "We'll work this out, I promise, but we don't want to make this cat do anything drastic."

Yami looked proud and glorious. His expression said: _Got you know, haven't I?_

"This is why I hate cats," Rowlf grumbled.

"He's no cat," Walter said furiously. "He's a monster!"

"I don't care what he is," Miss Piggy interrupted. "Oh woe, moi cannot believe that I'm about to get brutally murdered by one of those stupid creatures that are afraid of water, dogs and fireworks!"

"Hey, wait!" Robin cried. "That's it! Miss Piggy, say that again, about what cats are afraid of."

"What, water?"

"No, the other one."

"Fireworks?"

"No, after that."

"Dogs?"

"That's it!" Robin looked at Kermit. "_You_ know what I'm getting at, Unc."

"Sure do," Kermit replied with a grin. "Animal, you're about to get a new, cat-shaped chew toy!"

So with Animal the crazy dog (I think) in hand, Kermit faced Yami with a little more confidence.

"Alright Yami," he said. "Here's the deal. Step away from the relic, or things could get messy."

Yami backed away from Miss Piggy's statue meekly enough, but as he ascended, he accidently-on-purpose, nudged the relic, and it went tumbling off the edge.

Kermit wasn't having that. He instinctively darted forward and clasped the relic tightly to his chest, as if it were the real Miss Piggy.

While Yami silently flew away undetected.

"There he goes! Grab him!" someone yelled.

"This one's for Camilla!" Gonzo cried, and with a great leap, he seized hold of the escaping cat.

In his teeth, Yami was holding Nimweh's staff, but as Gonzo grabbed him, he dropped the staff and it clattered to the ground.

"It's the staff!" Scooter shouted. "Like in all those movies, the staff holds all the power! You have to break it!"

Kermit held the staff in two hands and cried: "This is for everyone else!" And he shattered the staff.

There was a blinding light and the Muppets disappeared.

**I'm too tired to think of something clever to put here for a paragraph.**

The theatre was dark, the stage they had landed on was hard and dusty, and the whole place was so deserted it looked like a haunted mansion.

But who cared? The Muppets were home. It was all over.

And boy did everybody know about it.

But just before Kermit could get up and recover from his whack to the head that he got when he thumped onto the stage, he saw the big, brown, furry, yellow-eyed figure of Sweetums peer at him in confusion.

"Hey," Sweetums said. "What did I miss?"

**Just had to end on not only a joke, but a reference to another movie! I might upload one more chapter to this story tomorrow, but first I've got to go to bed! I'm so tired because I tried to break my record of writing three chapters in one day, and now it's ten past eleven, and I'm so tired, I don't know who I am anymore.**

**Night! xxx**


	17. Epilogue

**Just an outroduction to finish things off. I'm going to go against the whole story and put this from the perspective of Kermit because…why not?**

Epilogue

Things tried desperately hard to return to normal after that fateful visit to the Death Relic Realm. But it was never quite the same.

We didn't see Walter for a while, he insisted that he wouldn't give up being a Muppet for the world, but right now, his brother needed him.

The biggest change was probably in Beaker. Now that Bunsen wasn't here anymore, Beaker happily quit and became a librarian (since he can't talk).

Miss Piggy thankfully didn't get another dog (though she did seem to like Muppy a lot.) To be honest, most people were thankful that that bratty dog was gone, and I can't say anyone missed Andy and Randy either.

The worst part for me in particular, is that whenever I look at Gonzo, I feel guilty. It's just the worst feeling that I saved Piggy and yet no-one managed to save Camilla. I've never seen Gonzo so miserable. He's still in the show, insisting he still want to do his 'art' (hurting himself for laughs), but I don't know if his heart's still in it.

Rizzo's a similar case. Muppets Tonight came to a grinding halt after the loss of Clifford. A couple of people wanted me to step in, but I didn't like the idea of stealing anyone's job, so that stayed put. Rizzo wasn't as bad as Gonzo, he still seemed cheerful, but often he would hide himself away, usually in the evenings, all by himself. I worried about him.

I worried about everyone; however the audience were less considerate. They wanted to know what had changed. We tried hard, but the viewers knew that something was up. (Mostly because of the lack of Muppet Labs or Pigs in Space)

So one night, I cancelled the regular show, and instead sat down and told the nation the whole story of the Death Relic Realm. And that's what you've just finished reading.


End file.
